Nomad 2015

Dancer Tales: Too Old and Fat

The lyra in Taiwan is super chubby

The lyra in Taiwan is super chubby

The last time I went pro as a dancer was 10 years ago. It was effortlessly easy.

Now everything hurts. But I'm stronger than I've ever been in my life. And I can do things now I couldn't then.

Sometimes I look at the greats - at Ian Eastwood, and think, "I'm too old." Or at Quick Crew and think, "I'm too fat. I can't get my body to look like that without starving." 

Some of my videos make me cringe and wonder why black isn't slimming on ME and why my arms are moving like there's lead in them.

But then I see Laure Courtellemont and her Ragga Jam team and I remind myself there are dances for people with my body type and that it's not my curves: I'm just fucking out of shape LOLOL. 

I remind myself that my LA teacher Norma is older than me and my friend Diane at 60 is a more graceful dancer than I am right now. And I'm inspired to work harder and feed better so I won't move so Hobbit-y anymore.

And I tell myself to quit it with the "old" thing. Because nothing wastes more time than thinking about bullshit.

So, here's me at my grind. 

(You don't need to comment that I'm skinny. I'm in Thigh Gap Nation owning my #fattybitch status - in fact it made me a better Lyra dancer than the pole teachers even because I've got some padding on me.)

Roose Bolton's Sigil on a Pole

I am not making a face. This was actually how traumatized I looked riding the subway last night after my first pole class in Asia.

After exclaiming over my chest size (a.k.a. fatness), the instructors turned me into Roose Bolton's sigil.

For non-Game of Thrones Philistines, that is to say they proceeded to flay every inch of exposed skin on my body. 

Afterward, I hobbled to Watson's and used Google translator on my iPhone to ask the pharmacist for alcohol pads.

I'm still limping around with bruised ribs, waiting to make sure no muscles are torn or hairlines fractured. (Parallel structure trumps scientific sensicalness)

My inner thighs are purple up to my groin. And I once again got #skinnybitch pwned by a bunch of willowy instructors. 

I officially hate pole. Only clothing-friendly aerial from now on.

Big City Girl

The shopping center near me in HK

The shopping center near me in HK

I'm a city girl - I mean a true big city - with density, and hundred-floor towers. I've been guffawing at my country mice friends who've been submitting their quaint towns to me on Instagram and calling them cities (until a Canadian yelled at me to stop laughing - they can do that, you know).

But the truth is I feel like I'm sleepwalking when there aren't any skyscrapers. For a long time I felt like I was dead in Southern California. Just trudging like a dry ghost alongside the rest of the Borg, talking about absolutely nothing and watching my hair get inexplicably lighter. 

It was quicksand. Took too long to get out.

You have to know what wakes you Alive. And when you're done with the excuses, or when yet another a shitty event finally makes you snap, make your move. 

Get to your skyscraper - or whatever Alive is for you. When you wake up again, you'll wonder how you could even breathe in that sleeping state. And you'll never look back again. 

Behind the Great Firewall

Downtown Guangzhou

Downtown Guangzhou

China is the hardest leg of my world travel so far. I came here knowing only one person - and not a person I wanted to spend much time with, almost all social media is blocked, and now I've been food poisoned for 2 days and counting.

But the silver lining persists: I have since met an adorable half-cousin for the first time and performed tabletop Taylor Swift at karaoke for a group of shrieking middle-aged dancers.

The Great Firewall has forced me to unplug; I actually finished reading a whole book! And not once did I miss a status update about Chris Brown's baby momma or someone's cat.

(Although I'm super stoked about Kelly Clarkson verifying that she dated Sideshow Guarini - but, duh. Didn't we already now this?)

And I'm sure at the end of this nausea and cramping, I'll be happy with how #skinnybitch I look. See? Hope springs.

Plus there are always #skyscrapers to feed my City Baby heart.

Happy Chinese New Year eve!

Wishing the world an amazing Chinese New Year eve from Sun Moon Lake here in Taiwan. 

It just hit me today that I live in Asia now. And who knows where next.

My dream of traveling the world while running my business has suddenly come true. For a year I said, "I am working to become location independent" and I woke up one day to this life of precious sisterhood and manic pixie hilarity, unsure which city I'll wake in next.

This is blessed.